On Waiting Until It Gets Easier...

I made a realization yesterday that changed my perspective on life as a mama.

After a discussion with my husband post-dinner last night, there was a thought that popped into my head that I don’t think I’ve considered as a new parent before.

Our conversation was based around spending more intentional time with one another even though our day-to-day looks wildly different than it used to.

My husband said, “I know it’s easier for me to shut work off at the end of the day, but once I’m done all I’m focused on is you.” As he said it there was a part of me that felt my heart beat faster — in a defensive way.

You know what’s on my mind the entire day? I thought.

I’m so tired.

I have to pump…again.

How long will the baby nap this time?

I didn’t get enough food today and I feel light headed.

All I wanted was to finish one task and it never got done.

I need to fill up some bottles in the fridge for the next feedings.

I could really use a shower.

Another day has passed without working out.

There’s dog hair everywhere, I really need to vacuum.

I need to turn off the noise on the tv, my phone, and my computer - I’m overstimulated.

…

“Where does the time for us fit in there?” He said.

I started to cry. But only because he was right. My mind had been completely occupied by so many other things that I was putting our relationship at the bottom of the list.

Not intentionally, but because I know my husband loves me so much that I know he is always going to support me. He’s always going to love me. He’s always going to do kind things for me out of the goodness of his heart, regardless of if how many days have passed.

When I attempted to explain to him that “there’s just a lot to do and a lot going on that it makes it difficult to find the right time,” I realized it.

There’s never going to be a right time.

As parents, we’re not only responsible for taking care of this new life, but we’re also taking on more tasks that involve him. Such as cleaning pump parts & bottles, taking the trash out more often, doing laundry more frequently, eating when we have the time, working around nap times, etc.

When people say, “It gets easier,” I think what they mean is:

“Once you get passed the no-sleeping stage, there’ll be something else that comes up. But it’s not quite as hard.”

“Once they can walk, you won’t need to hold them quite as much, but they’ll get into everything so you’ll have to keep a watchful eye on them.”

“Once they can talk they can tell you what they need, but they’ll also throw tantrums in the middle of the store because they can’t get the toy they wanted.”

Parenthood doesn’t really get easier. You simply learn how to manage your time & resources better.

So, when I thought about how there was never going to be a perfect time for my husband and I to spend intentional time together in this season of life, it changed the perspective for me.

I need to be sure to factor that time in during the day and let something else wait. The extra dishes in the sink don’t need to be washed right this second & the laundry doesn’t need to be folded. I can make the bed another time and my hobbies might need to take a little longer than usual.

I love my husband. And throughout our entire relationship we’ve been the happiest when we are able to laugh with one another, watch a show together, workout together, whatever it may be. That time spent together brings us closer and has made us better parents.

I’m adjusting my mindset from here on out to putting us in front of all of the things that don’t need to be done right now. Everything else will become easier when our minds are in better places, together.